#5 losers and closers
always be closing
Today’s post title is completely stolen from one of the more memorable Casey Neistat vlogs for me—Losers and Closers. It’s basically about how he had started to film his daily vlog and wasn’t gonna finish it, but he persisted anyway, because finishing a less-perfect vlog is more important to him that not doing it at all.
I used to follow Casey’s vlogs a lot, mostly because I was drawn to his studio and DIY-spirit, for the most parts. And his ‘just do it’ mentality had made a bit of an impact on me during a period in my life.
(Side note. His era of daily vlogs were made around 7 years ago though, and I think the creator economy has changed a lot since then, along with our attitudes on work and the landscape of social media. I’m not sure if Casey’s brand of hustle culture fits in well with today’s creators, artists, etc)
It’s been quite difficult to get a post out recently because of multiple ongoing life changes, but Casey’s vlogs came to my mind again when I try to recall how I had cope with other big life changes before. 2016 was the last time I remember going through something similar—the loss of my uncle, moving in with my aunt to give her support, working on my final year project, graduating, starting my first job, experiencing a heartbreak, repaying my student debt on a very, very low salary.
Casey’s vlogs were a source of entertainment/advice/fun that I looked forward to each day. In addition, I also started making log books, at the suggestion of my counsellor. These were meant to be a point-form kind of diary. Everyday, these pages became a kind of an anchor to steady my wellbeing.
I love reading old journals, I think I referred to this tiny book quite a few times in the years past, and I grow to understand myself a lot more.
I related a lot to Casey Neistat and his crazy work ethic at the time because I think making art was the only way that I could put one foot in front of the other everyday. Everyday I promised I would make something small—illustrate or design something, anything. It worked, and it helped me to stay quite positive and kept me grounded. I have a much different attitude towards my art these days though, and I don’t see it as a form of coping mechanism anymore.
I think this is the power of journalling and it reminds me to keep on making these posts on Substack too, and to continue making my collages. I love that so much hope can be contained in these books that are often born out of despair. I mean, clearly the content was dreary, but I think about the events that came after, and how this form of ‘keeping myself alive’ led me to this very space that I am in. Rereading journals is a like a gift from your past self to your present self. It’s a great gift, the best form of hope– a reminder that you’ve had the strength to pull through and go to the other side. I’m also reminded of this bit that I read in Ask Polly this week:
Far better to make some space for revisiting past feelings without fear….Loving the flawed past is a way of loving the flawed present.
I think that my best work are always made up of these pages of complete honesty, disillusionment and vulnerability for this reason. Not so much the work that I do to get me by, because graphic design is my passion, but art always remind me of my personal strength and how I’m able to pick myself up each time.
I recently lost my phone for very mysterious reasons. The only loss I really felt was the photos that I haven’t got around to back up, which reminded me of this zine that I made a while ago about deleting photos.
Made this in late 2020. I didn’t know what to do with the photos on my phone, keeping them felt useless, but I also felt sentimental about them. So of course I asked Google what should I do, but the search results mostly gave me instructional tips on how to delete photos. Thought it was so funny that I got this mechanical feedback for something I was feeling so emotional about.
other things I considered for this week’s post
—talking about why I threw away my work-in-progress
—more art jamming tips
—making a ‘get psyched’ mix
That’s all for this week, thank you for tuning in.
Finally, this week I am crying to:
I love Casey Neistat too!!!