This week I want to share a project that was languishing in my archives for a while. It’s called Eat, Cook and Draw. I wanted to explore the reasons why I kept on giving up and not seeing it come to fruition.
Over the last few issues, I’ve been sharing a bit on the feelings of resistance and unhappiness when it comes to creating art, so I want to go through this project in its various stages to uncover some patterns in my thought process.
Hopefully, this will be relatable to anybody who’s struggling or procrastinating in their projects. 🥲
part one: the magazine
I wanted to collected photos and recipes that were important and memorable to the family. I love drawing, cooking, hence the title Eat, Cook and Draw.
Through this project I got to explore food photography, and I put together recipes, photographs and personal essays, like a magazine.
I didn’t think of this again until much later on when I started working. I wanted to see how I could evolve this project, to include more recent stories about cooking and challenge my design/illustration skills.
part two: lunchbox days
I wanted to see how I could evolve this project, to include more recent stories about cooking and to challenge my design/illustration skills.
I also wanted to create a more proper publication. I’d often bring a packed lunch to work previously because I was working in a place where food was inaccessible. So I had amassed some recipes and meal-prep hacks that I wanted to put together as a zine.
I made a small book at the end of it and I felt quite happy with the efforts. But I remember I didn’t really shared it publicly because I thought my book making skills were subpar. Looking back, I think this was a win anyway. I truly enjoyed the process of drawing and putting together each spread. I had a lot of fun!
part three: posters, and a turning point
I was quite motivated to do a second one after seeing how the first one turned out. I went with a different approach this time– more photography-led, and designing each recipe like a poster. And instead of a book, maybe it could just be an Instagram page. I don’t think this went very far, and at the time I was also really busy with work so this went on hold.
If I’m being honest, I think at this point I started to have some feelings of burnout—which I realised now is self-imposed. The things I wanted to do (or what I expected myself to be doing) were always ten steps ahead from what I realistically could do. I didn’t have enough resources (time, energy) and skills to really achieve what I had in mind. And at the time, I didn’t know how to reduce or simplify the work so that I could still enjoy myself, instead of punishing myself or giving up.
part four: lockdown
During lockdown, we cooked a lot at home, so that inspired me to pick up this project again. I collected a lot of photos, and looked at a lot of my old works for inspiration. I didn’t design a lot, but I was planning what to write, draw and design. The perfectionist self is always controlling and procrastinating, and I find myself planning what to do more than doing the actual work because I feared that the things I make won’t be good enough.
To be honest, I actually really enjoyed lockdown a lot. It probably played well to my introverted nature/homebody self, and I felt I finally could have all the time to get to the things I wanted to make. But I also realised now, that at a deeper level, that kind of thinking eventually breeds a lot of self-imposed pressure: trying to do as much as I can during this ‘free time’. Feelings of burnout started to take root and created a chronic sense of dissatisfaction that I’m still recovering from.
part five: right now
So on to my next point on recovery. Right now I’m much more aware of what is causing my roadblocks, like perfectionism and procrastination (it often goes hand in hand).
I’m learning to understand what ‘good enough’ looks like for me.
Here’s where I’ve landed so far. Not sure where it is going, but I’m trying to enjoy doing this again, the way I did when I was a student, rather than to think about where it is going
I’ve been doing a bit of self-reflection while making this post, because untangling chronic perfectionism and procrastination can be a bit of a process. I’m still very encouraged by the format of this newsletter. Writing, and sharing my art in this manner, is always my way of connecting with myself and hopefully, to the world around me.
It’s a long post, so thanks for staying to the end! Next week, I’m thinking of switching up the content to feature something a little light hearted :) Perhaps a bit on room decoration and workspaces.