#10 the missing piece
when something's missing, recreate it.
I've been experiencing a lingering sense of dissatisfaction lately, and I've come to realise that I haven't fully addressed my feelings of grief. I've been mourning the loss of a few relationships that have slipped through my fingers in the recent past. But instead of viewing this as a missing piece to my life, perhaps there's a better perspective I should consider.
As always, I find a lot of my answers through making art, or more realistically, exploring the reasons around why I can’t make art. While grief isn't a topic I'm prepared to delve into fully here (at least not yet), I believe it's valuable to share the steps I took to come to terms with this realisation.
procrastination
I procrastinate on things that matter because deep down I feel very disappointed and sad to really do anything. This was happening for a while, but recently I’m trying to quiet my monkey mind. I try to exercise, eat better, socialise more. Very basic things. But also very hard to do. I sometimes feel more comforted when I think of myself as an animal. Honestly, just keeping the basic functions cared for: physical activity, being fed proper… It just quiets the mind a lot more. I still overthink and feel my emotions, but in a considerably less dramatic fashion. Why are cats so chill and cute? Probably because they only care for their basic needs. Me to me: I can be a cat too.
feelings are not puzzles to solve
I made a drawing of the movie Zola because I think Riley Keough is really pretty. But also, I watched the movie during covid-times when I would take myself out for solo movie dates. I realised I’m good at doing the things that make me feel fulfilled that way, but I can’t always acknowledged that I feel disappointed and sad. So here’s a reminder to be ok with being sad, without trying to fix it. And still do the things that makes me enjoy my own company. Those things can exist together.
no service
So I made this drawing recently after listening to The Postal Service’s Give Up. No particular reason, I just happen to have the album on loop. As I was drawing this, I felt some parts of my old self coming back. The fun of making pictures, choosing colours, drawing emo shit. This isn’t an easy feeling to chase, but it’s important to me, because I know I’m capable of creating a lot more interesting work, if I figure out how to unstuck myself.
Happy Valentine’s Day. Thank you for staying to the end 💗